[18 Dec 2009|03:54pm] dear_you [theanimequeen] [ mood | cheerful ] Dear You, Right now I'm so messed up with what I'm thinking. I love you, I really do. As much as a person who hasn't met someone in real life can. I always said I would never, ever do long distance though... But I don't know how you feel, and I'm not going to ask. I'm going to try to spend time away from you though... I feel like I'm too dependent on you. I feel like I just can't live a day without you. Today I didn't think of you as much, and I felt a bit better. I just wish I knew how you felt about me... Someone said that because you said a long time ago that we might date, if we didn't find other people and if we could meet at least a few times, that because you said that, then you probably aren't interested in dating me...but you're so interested in meeting me...and when we talk we talk about so many things! I just don't know...Everyone on that community now said that I should just move on because if its only a "might date" then its not worth my time.... But I mean, we haven't met. So could you change your mind after we meet. Hell, I could change my mind after we meet. I mean your cute, we get along, but meeting someone would be different... :/ I just wish you understood how I felt...but I guess you won't if I don't tell you. And I won't ever break down and tell you that stuff again. At least not online. I don't want to screw things up. I felt akward enough after I told you how I felt last time. I just don't know if I should give up or not...I think I'm just going to try to distract myself more, not talk to you as much, and then when we meet, see how that goes. Because for all I know I could end up liking someone else as the year goes on. And I know deep down, I don't really want to move as far as California...I mean I might change my mind after being there, but it all depends. I'm just going to have to see how this trip goes... Thats about all I can say about us... Love, D Kayleigh, You're so sweet! I'll try to quit worrying so much @_@ I love you twin!! :D <333 ~Your twin whose 4 years younger XDD Rachel L, Sorry I got offline all of a sudden with no warning. I was feeling so down that I just had to get off the computer and lie down... So...sorry about that XD lylas, D Dani, STALKER!! Leave Rachel alone!!!! You bothered her enough when you were dating. You need to just CALM DOWN. >:( ~D Dear Self, GET SOMETHING DONE ON THIS BREAK. Watch some anime, read that stupid book, DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!!!! ~D Dear People in 3rd hour, God I will miss you guys. :( I'm so sad to leave!!! I mean some of you I'm sure I'll have in other classes. But not all of you at once again like that :( Thanks for including me today in the game :D And even though I don't like Amanda, it was nice you guys included her too. But no thanks for killing me off, Mafia people!! >:( lol I had a ton of fun today :) I'm just sad that my favorite class is over :( ~D Wow, I had a lot to say. lol Sorry for a long post XD post comment

[18 Dec 2009|06:45pm] dear_you [panda64] Dear you I love you, why can't you see that and stop being a dick post comment

sorry for the length... i couldn't get the cut to work properly. [18 Dec 2009|07:10am] dear_you [samamba] Mother, Y'know, when you invited me over for Thanksgiving with the promise of no "talking about anything", I didn't think that translated to being pulled back into your life without ever talking about it again. I'm not okay with that. Even Thanksgiving you told me new things that, if I'd been in the mood at the time, would've fueled the fire (they did later, but I gave up. It's too much, now, to be so angry). So, no- I won't come over this weekend with the other girls. I'll call Nicole to see how she's doing, but I won't show up at the apartment with the intention of having a bake-off any time soon. I don't know that I'll ever be able to sit down and rationally discuss all that's gone on between us, not with it ending in a reconciliation. I don't know that you'll ever be able to be a normal presence in my life again. I don't know that I'll ever be able to view you as my mom again. Because now I don't, and I haven't for a very long time, I've been so angry. I know you love me, in your way, but I can't reconcile everything that's gone on, everything you've done, with the concept of mom. You can't be the standard I model myself after when I have children, you can't be the one to be there for me. You may want to, but now, it would just seem like an act- an exaggerated overcompensation to prove to yourself that you've done well by me. That was cruel, I know. I know you love me, I know you care about me. But it is impossible for you to make choices as a mother rather than as an individual. Sometimes what you want, as an individual, is to be the best mother you can, and those are good times when I feel I can believe in you again; but you realize that it's hard work, that you're not getting anything back from it, and you go back to making choices for your own benefit. I don't know. Maybe you've changed, since I've moved out. Maybe you've learned, with my extended absence, that the course of action you were taking was wrong, and maybe you've changed your path. Maybe, since you've stopped getting high, you're more emotionally available, feel more sympathy, are less selfish, aren't quite so burned out. But Bob and Nicole both told me you're still depressed, so somehow, I don't believe that you've really changed who you are and how you handle things. You were at your worst when you were depressed, four years ago. I didn't even realize it at the time- but you were high all the time, you didn't care about anything. You used the excuse of watching over me, being there for me- you used me, in another of such a long list of ways- to stay home and indulge yourself in the luxuries of self-pity and self-medication. A year. For a year you just got high every day and sat at your computer playing the Sims, taking care of a virtual family like you couldn't take care of ours, escaping and dealing with it like a child would. And here's where I know I'm not ready for a renewed relationship with you because I can feel it all bubbling back up, I feel the accusations and the horror of what we've all been through at your whim burning at the back of my throat. Why did you cheat? Why did you make her move in with her father, rather than me with mine? Why did you never put me in therapy when you found out? Why did you let me deal with so much by myself? Why did you never try to break through the walls I put up? Why did you never sign the divorce papers? Why did you let Dad "marry" her anyway? Why didn't you sign them then, or tell her then? Why did you continue to blackmail him? Why did you foist every responsibility you had that pertained to me onto him, her, and Jackie? Why were your first words to her at his deathbed in the family of I'm the real wife? Why did you threaten so much to her? Why did you try and force your hatred of my paternal family on me at such a young, naive age, when I couldn't possibly understand what was really going on? Why did you make her live in fear for so long? Why were you surprised when your spouting off hate stories about my uncle angered me and made me spout similar ones about you to them? Why'd you lie and say you were trying to be there for me when you knew you weren't? Why'd you just revert to taking care of yourself, when it was so damn obvious that I needed you, even when I didn't want you? Why'd you take every damn golden opportunity my being your child presented you to do as little work as possible, why'd you stop trying, why'd you stop telling me you were proud of me, why'd you stop putting any effort forth at all?  I'm tired, so tired. I've ingested three red bulls and someone else's adderall the past fourteen hours, and now it's all worn off, and now all I want is to just sleep for so long. I want to forget I wrote this letter. I want to go back to just sitting awkwardly at your kitchen table between Nicole and Krissy, eating pie, making conversation, letting you pretend it was like I never left. Being so happy for Nicole that she was going to have a baby, that she was so happy. Feeling relieved that you just wanted to hug me and kiss me and tell me how great I looked and even declare, "since when do you smoke cigarettes!" with an air of- just, such delight that you even got to find that out about me, even though I know you certainly hate that I do. Not even that, Kim. I just want to go back to when you weren't in my life. You're a destructive force greater than any other, and my anger for you is worse and more consuming, more addictive, more draining than any drug I could take. I kept it latent for Nicole's sake when we went to visit her in the hospital, and for your sake on Thanksgiving in an act I'm not too modest to admit was selfless and brave for me. But now... I can't hold it in, I can't pretend everything is alright. I know you're alright to. But I'm not, I don't operate the way you do, hoping that if you play extra nice to your demons, they'll give in and give up. I can't say, even, that this entirely your or my or anyone's fault. Everyone's to blame. But I can say with certainty that even if you didn't even handle it the worst- it being my entire life, I guess, and our relationships with everyone around us- it was your actions that were always going to hurt the most. You're my mother, and though you may not have gotten the worst grade on the family report card, it was most important that you passed. You didn't. So now, you have to understand when I don't come back to your life and be your daughter again. I might never do that. You have to understand when I continue calling Cindy Mom, when it's her standing next to me through all the trials and rites of passage in my life. When it's her helping me on my wedding day, and when it's her being named Grandma, and when it's her I model myself after as I raise my own children. You have to understand that she's always tried, that she's always made the effort, that she's always wanted to be more than the stepmother for me from the start. That it was her to get the flying colors on the report, and it was her to treat me like a person who needed help, not a burden to be taken care of at one's inconvenience. She stepped up. She was the one who helped me. She was the one who saw that I needed a mom, and took over the part without any expectation of reward. You can't be angry at her for that. You couldn't do all that for me. She did, and without her, I don't know where I would be at this moment. Without her support I don't know if I would've made it through the years with you. You're not allowed anything but gratitude and respect for her, because she saved my life. It's now seven in the morning, and I've been writing this letter for an hour. I can't spend my life in this kind of train of thought anymore; it's time for me to grow up, step up, adapt, learn, and act accordingly. So, bye, Mom. Somewhere in me, though it's deep, the childhood me loves you deeply, reverently, without question. The me that knows better- I'm sad at how it all turned out, but I'm not going to regret moving on. Daughter. 1 comment|post comment

[18 Dec 2009|11:26am] dear_you [therandomgirlie] [ mood | distressed ] Dear you, So, last day of school and it closes due to snow. I'm probably the only person pissed off about this. I'm pissed off cos I wanted to say goodbye to you before I go away after Christmas and don't see you for a while. I really miss you. Already. Which is stupid, I know, but I do. I have a horrible feeling something bad is going to happen, and that I'll never get to see you again. But I'm just being paranoid. Nothing will happen. But I'm still scared. So, like I was GOING to say to you, until I see you again, have a great Christmas, and don't do anything I wouldn't do! Oh, and I think I'm in love with you. But I wasn't going to say that. Yours, always, C xxxx post comment

[18 Dec 2009|06:19am] dear_you [samamba] Dear 5:36 AM, Please turn to 7 AM now, so that I can get ready, go take my final, put all my shit in the car and GO HOME! You've led me to passing the time by writing needless Dear Yous. Stressed student. Dear JH, Haha, it's going to be an interesting car ride home... two and a half hours of just us, when we've never really had anything to talk about but Biff in the capacity of your relationship to her, and your biff in the capacity of his to me. And now Biff and I are both with different guys.... I'll make up an interesting playlist, to cover up the awkward silence that's going to dominate the ride. It was definitely beyond generous of you to drive me home though. Even if you did hurt Biff(twice), you are a nice guy. She knows it too, don't worry. S. PS: Although... remember that time I threw coffee on you for mocking our friend, and ruined your brand new glory jacket? Haha. Oh, retroactive karma is fun. Dear Biff, I am always always here for you. It was so nice to be able to talk to you for so long today- literally from when I woke up until 3:30. Even if it was a lot of listening to you cry and offering inadequate auditory support, it's exactly what I'm here for, what I'm meant to do, what I'll always do. Joking with you between serious talks was exactly what I've needed the past few days; I've felt so damn alone and confused about everything, and so upset by- well, the everything of this week- hearing the excitement in your voice about being able to spend break together, and about being together next year, was just what I needed. Giving you rational, productive advice on how to get out of your current binds made me feel better than any of the crying to myself I've been doing the past few days. I think feeling like you need me is what gets me through, sometimes; so often I feel not only unneeded but unwanted, and seeing that you really do need me around and benefit from our bond makes me feel so much better- when so often I feel like it's just me that needs or benefits. So, when we eventually lose our sex drives, let's just get married and freak people out with our faux-lesbian ways, kay?  Love you, after all this time, always. Beachcliff. Dear C, My God, I love you, don't I? I'm a bit scared of telling you; not because you'll react negatively, but too positively. You teared up the second weekend together, when you were thinking about our future together. That kind of raw, uncensored emotional response scares me, puts me off- it's just been so much, so fast. I do love you. I think. I'm not really sure what love is, or how to tell if you're in it; I just know that all I've wanted this past week, when I've felt so low, was to be back in your arms. There've been times where I haven't wanted that, too- times where I've just thought of you pushing me for sex. But it's me against my demons there, love, and I'm battling hard. I want to love you without question, and I will. This will be hard- we're both new to this territory, and God knows we're both scarred from our pasts- but it will be absolutely worth it. Love. post comment

W0W [18 Dec 2009|03:14am] dear_you [_tainted_son_] [ mood | artistic ] Dear James Cameron and Avatar, You have created an amazing film and you've inspired me to continue pursuing my dreams and ambitions of establishing a film career. Avatar is visually stunning beyond comprehension. I sat in awe from every frame. To imagine such a world living inside your thoughts is insane. Congratulations on such brilliant creativity and hopefully one day i can create something as moving as this. A dedicated fan, -Jacob post comment

[18 Dec 2009|01:04am] dear_you [spicyscarecrow] Dear friend I made tonight, Let's have an awesome relationship :) Love, Me 1 comment|post comment

[18 Dec 2009|12:58am] dear_you [chendamoni] Dear You, I want new middle and inner ears for Christmas. That, or people need to enunciate clearly for the rest of my life. I am tired of asking people to repeat themselves three times in a row. Sincerely, Chenda post comment

[17 Dec 2009|11:18pm] dear_you [june_bugxo] dear self, do some damn homework already. no love, me. post comment

[17 Dec 2009|09:29pm] dear_you [sweetsorceress] Dear Universe, Due to quite a few shooting stars, the reversed ten of cups and the sun, I finally hear you. Thanks for talking with me and keeping me informed. Love Always, Kerri   Dear Jake, Love you. Yours, Kerri post comment

[17 Dec 2009|07:32pm] dear_you [theanimequeen] [ mood | confused ] Dear You, I'm starting to seriously picture our lives together. In a way it scares me, but in a way it's nice too... I could see myself moving for you. I don't want to move that far, but if you ever told me you loved me, I probably would. I know you and Rach were talking yesterday about me....And you are both planning stuff. Arghh I'm just so impatient.... I want to know how you feel :/ You tell me I'm pretty and you want me to cosplay as Shana and you as Yuji...which makes it sound like we would be a couple. Then you wanted me to cosplay as other things (which I'll smack you for if I meet you!! >.>) lol and its so confusing... I remember when I was telling you how I felt all those months ago, and I thought you were the dense one, and you weren't getting what I was saying. And then you revealed that I was dense instead and you knew what I was getting at.... I know you didn't turn me down before...But you didn't say we could be together...You just said that if we didn't find anyone else, and that after we met a few times we might date and all...But I just don't think I can do that...You're planning to go to the military anyways...and then when you get back, to school. It would take up so many years of time! And if I don't feel like we will be anything...if I don't feel something with you at the convention, I'm going to give up...I just can't take this... I don't know what you want, and half the time I don't know what I want. Well, I want you and me as a couple. To hold hands, kiss, etc... I just don't know...if you are the one for me or not. You feel different to me, even though I haven't met you...But I don't know. I'm scared to tell or ask you anything cause it might just turn you away from me completely. I get scared when you're away from your computer for too long...And I worry constantly. I just think I need you....Just please, please give me some kind of hint or something....I don't know... but please? Love, me God, HELP. Help me with Jacob. I'm exhausted and I just can't concentrate...I had 4 hours of sleep last night because of him! Just give me some kind of hint me and him should be together or something.....Make it happen tonight? I NEED it...Just to know a little about how he feels... ~D post comment

[17 Dec 2009|05:34pm] dear_you [spicyscarecrow] Dear FINAL final, You are my last. Let's do this. Let's be awesome, and not kill me, kay? Love (?) Me! 2 comments|post comment

[17 Dec 2009|04:23pm] dear_you [twilight_maybe] Dear Dominator, I miss you. -Sindrix post comment

[17 Dec 2009|04:18pm] dear_you [december_lily] Dear Cliff, Yeah, my hair really does look like that sometimes. It's just not as blonde. lol Dear Cliff, and Grandma and Grandpa Hunt, Is it time to stop this hush hush wordplay nonsense yet? Because I'm well aware of the relation and who's behind the scenes, so in my opinion there's really no need. I mean, there's family resemblence oozing out of several openings here, haha. Speaking of which, how's Scott doing? post comment

Here Kitty Kitty [17 Dec 2009|01:44am] dear_you [_tainted_son_] [ mood | intimidated ] Dear Cat that sleeps outside my porch, I know its been practically freezing outside. I know you are pregnant and from the looks of it about to give birth at any moment. I know you are hungry and looking for anything to nourish yourself with. I KNOW ALL THESE THINGS. But you don't know that i am completely and utterly afraid of cats. You guys give me the heebie jeebies. I get goosebumps all across my body and having to shush you away from my door when i enter sends shivers down my spine. Im sorry i don't like you. I've tried alternatives such as animal control but they refuse to do anything. I don't want anything bad happening to you or your kittens, So please hurry up and give birth. Move on with your life and good luck. I convinced the Cat lady neighbor to feed you regularly. I don't know what else you want from me. No matter how far i run, you keep coming back. -Someone with Ailurophobia. 4 comments|post comment

[16 Dec 2009|10:03pm] dear_you [december_lily] Dear you disgusting creature I regret ever trying to help, I'm not surprised you like that disturbing Lady Gaga song, you narcissistic POS. Go away, your sockpuppet isn't fooling me. It's actually an insult to Brandon. Dear you, Chill, please? If that's not possible for semi-understandable reasons, I'll leave you alone. But I like you very much, and you're pretty. lol Don't worry, I'm not 12. Or 16 for that matter. I hope I'm not just annoying. :( Dear Heavenly Father, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!!! Dear Miss Mina, I miss you. :( post comment

[16 Dec 2009|08:24pm] dear_you [lithium7] Dear Dad, Piss off. You are a selfish, mean, childish man and one day your friends will see through your friendly exterior to see the abusive, control freak you are. - the daughter Dear Mom, I'm sorry that I want to spend time with you. I'm sorry that I don't like the fact that you look after another family for a living while neglecting your own. I'm sorry I got pissed off when I found out that you were (of your own choosing) working on Christmas Eve. I don't are if you think I'm selfish.... I'm home from University for Christmas and you have spent MAYBE a day with me in the last 2 weeks... I don't think that is really enough. I'm home all day by myself, and when you come home you tell me all about the kids you babysit and how wonderful they are, then make fun of me or yell at me.... I'm sorry... - your baby? Dear Self Read what you just wrote to your parents... WHY ARE YOU STILL LIVING THERE?! Get an apartment and get out. I know you love them very much, no matter what they do to you... but think about yourself ok? Get out of there. -you Dear Joe and Tom, Remember when you guys were my brothers? -your sister post comment

[16 Dec 2009|07:19pm] dear_you [samamba] Dear S, Well, that sucked. You had no right to post a note like that. I know you meant it to be funny, but having that tacked on at the end was completely needless and downright fucking hurtful. You think I want to know that you and your boyfriend are talking about my failed love life? It was nice to know he doubted Colin to really be my boyfriend because he's probably just another "maybe, I don't know, boyfriend", really. Thanks for posting that on facebook for all to see. Tagging my boyfriend to make sure he saw said note was just a great touch, too. You don't fucking think, do you? S. Dear C, I need to get home, back to your arms. I just need to feel right again. I need to feel like this is real, when it seems like everyone else doubts it too. Love. (I do love you, I think.) Dear Everything, Stop fucking up. Me. post comment

[16 Dec 2009|04:47pm] dear_you [burningsonata] Dear you, ( cut for length ) 1 comment|post comment

[16 Dec 2009|03:40pm] dear_you [theanimequeen] [ mood | geeky ] Dear You, I want to know what you and her are planning! NOW!!!!!! @____________@ Love, D Rach, I'm glad you have a job. I'm glad you are taking me on this trip. But damn I miss you! Grr. Lylas, me post comment

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